I was 24 when Charles and his family came to my parents’ house to officially ask for my hand in marriage.
Charles and I had dated for over two years. Both families knew about our relationship, and everything seemed to be moving in the right direction.
After the introductions, my father handed Charles’ family a sealed envelope containing the bride price list.
They left with it.
Later that night, Charles called me sounding upset. He asked me to come over so we could talk.
When I arrived and saw the list, my heart sank.
Among the items my father demanded was a taxi.
I couldn’t believe it.
The next morning I rushed home and tried to talk to my parents about it. My father immediately got angry.
“Who are you to question the bride price we chose?” he said. “If you want your husband to respect you, then keep quiet.”
I broke down in tears.
I even called our pastor to intervene. Charles was willing to wait while I tried to convince my parents, but they refused to change anything.
My father even told me that if I thought I knew better than them, I should perform the marriage rites myself.
Eventually, Charles’ family withdrew from the marriage negotiations. They called my family greedy, and little by little, Charles listened to them and walked away.
Just like that, I lost the man I loved.
The story of my bride price list spread through the church like wildfire. People talked about it everywhere. Men avoided me as if I had some kind of curse.
For years, I remained single.
Then at 29, I met Randy.
There was something different about Randy. He was calm but fearless. He hated things that didn’t make sense, and he never wasted time arguing about them.
After a year together, he told me he wanted to marry me.
This time, I went to my parents early and asked them to show me the bride price list before Randy’s family visited.
My father became furious again.
“If you think you’re wiser than us, then handle it yourself,” he said.
Eventually, Randy came with his mother and uncle to formally ask for my hand.
After the meeting, my father once again handed them a sealed envelope.
Later, when Randy opened it… we were both shocked.
The list was exactly the same one given to Charles years earlier.
The taxi was still there.
Randy looked at it and laughed.
“Your father clearly doesn’t want me to marry you,” he said. “But let’s surprise him.”
The next day he called my father to negotiate, but my father refused to remove the taxi. He said he had suffered to educate me and deserved the honor.
Some of my relatives tried to convince him to change his mind. After a long discussion, my father agreed to remove everything on the list except the taxi.
That was the final straw.
My relatives decided they would stand in as my parents during the marriage rites.
I left my parents’ home and stayed with a friend.
On May 3, 2014, Randy and I got married.
Two days later we signed our court marriage. Some of my relatives attended and acted as witnesses. My uncle even signed the documents in place of my father.
After the wedding, I called my father to tell him.
He refused to answer.
Later I heard that he had told people I had dishonored him. He even said the taxi had been a test to see how serious my husband was about marrying me.
He also told family members that he had disowned me and that I should never attend his funeral.
I tried many times to reach him through relatives and friends, but he refused to see me.
My mother still talks to me occasionally, but she refuses to accept anything from me because she doesn’t want to disrespect my father.
Seven months after our wedding, Randy and I moved to Canada, where we have lived ever since.
I have a happy marriage.
But my father still hasn’t spoken to me.
All I can do is hope that one day he will forgive me and understand that I only chose love.
— Patricia
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